Is It Real?

I have been wondering
and thinking all day,
my heart wants to believe
but my mind says no way!
I look at your picture
and your perfect face,
I have feelings for you that time
can never erase.
When you take the time to talk to me
It really means alot
you see.
I have tried to explain to you how I am
but I wonder if you really understand.
My heart and my soul can take
no more pain,
of myself and my fears I am ashamed.
I give of my heart far to much,
but all I am looking for is that
special touch.
I have a hard time letting anyone in,
played that game to many times and
never win.
I also have this problem with trust
you see,
trust only brings more pain and agony.
I have manty desires and wants too,
but I am scared to share them with you.
Scared of my feelings, emotions
and such.
If I don’t share then, I can’t hurt as much.
I tend to test those, I think might care
For I have to know if they will always
be there.
Part of me wants to believe
what you say is true,
but its hard to believe anyone
after all I have been through.
In my mind I always think
the worst,
I can’t help it, my heart has to come first.
I am not just looking for a weekend of lust,
I need someone who cares,
one I can trust.
It’s the part of me that has been hurt acting this way,
I just need to hear what you have
to say.
I need you to explain things to me,
Tell me the truth and make me see.
If you could just find words to
make me understand,
I can put away my fears, I really
think I can.
For in a short time I have known you
I know I depend and want you to much
I really do.
My heart is afraid it will scare you away
my mind tells me to say what I
need to say.
Well, there it is,
all I can say,
now it’s your choice to stay or go away.
All I ask is for your honesty and trust
I need to know,
I really must.
What you want and the way you feel,
I can handle it, just please tell me,
if what you say is truly real.

-Bethany Harris-
1997